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How to stop the emerging sense of love for a young man?

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Well, here, a man appeared in our environment, one glance at which made his heart startle. I want to think about this guy, I want to dream about meeting him, I want to hear his voice ... But we are well aware that the young man is not the hero of our novel! Serious and promising relations with him will not work. Why? But you never know ... He, for example, is too much a lover of women, an irresponsible egoist, a frivolous flyer or just someone's gentleman or even a husband.

Naturally, you can’t get carried away by such an unreliable tipshy or even a stranger’s lover! If you allow yourself to dive thoughtlessly into the pool of feelings, you can drown. Is it worth it to do if you understand that there is only suffering ahead? Of course not! But how to manage emotions? How to curb them and not fall in love with such an attractive man? After all, it’s better to try to prevent the disease than then, when it goes into the acute stage, to suffer and look for ways to cure. And for this it is necessary to understand at least a little why it arises and whether it is subject to management and control.

The psychologist Vasilyeva Yulia Vladimirovna answers the question.

I am very sorry that you had to endure the lies and betrayal of a loved one, but you are a strong girl, you were able to overcome the most difficult period and not give up. Now is the time for your rehabilitation, that is, restoration of the soul. At this stage, until you fully recover, I would not recommend that you enter into any relationship. Why? Because, still the memory has not forgotten the pain and disappointment of past relationships, because of this there is an acute distrust and suspicion of a man. Everything connected with the word “love” causes irritation and negative emotions in you. For this reason, you have convinced yourself that being free is much safer for you than being married. These were some kind of protective barriers you were forced to build in order to protect yourself from heartache. A very good sign of recovery of the soul, when a woman does not stop taking care of herself, takes on a new job and is engaged in self-development. You are well done! Of course, male attention forms female self-esteem and without it it is difficult to feel confident in one's abilities. But is it possible to get along only with friendships with a man? I think no. The man has a different perception of the female sex. If he liked a woman not only in appearance, but he was able to appreciate her inner qualities, this man will do everything to take possession of this woman. By nature, a man is a hunter, therefore, he will never be satisfied with just talking with a woman he likes. He will conquer it step by step in order to achieve his goal. Do not forget that relationships impose responsibility on partners for spoken words and actions in relation to each other. Therefore, if you, as a woman, consider your new man as a friend, then he may, over time, admit to you his feelings, because for him to be just another is not enough for you. Therefore, you always run the risk of “breaking” a man’s heart and getting into another unpleasant situation for you. Communication between people gives rise to emotional connections, whether you want it or not. Especially if people have common interests and sympathy for each other. This process cannot be controlled. Therefore, Alina, decide for yourself what to do in this situation. If I were you, I would take care of my heart at rest and not enter into close contact with men, and even more so in intimacy. Until you feel that you have recovered from past relationships, do not experiment. Superficial communication is permissible, which does not oblige you or your interlocutor to anything and is desirable in the open spaces of the Internet in order to exclude visual contact if this is necessary for you.

Creativity, travel, reading interesting and educational books will help you find emotional balance.

Where does love come from?

Why do people fall in love? After all, this is completely irrational. You forget about everything, you get stupid, you can’t concentrate on something useful and sometimes you start to do things that will never occur to a person in their right mind! Who needs such sudden insanity? Yes, no one. If we were able to control our own emotions, we would allow ourselves to fall in love wisely and only in someone who fits all parameters.

And everything would be decorous and noble, and any young lady would fall in love only of her own free will. But you can’t curb them, these wayward emotions! Rush forward, having bit a bit, go, manage. What to do if you perfectly understand that you fell in love with a man who was not created for you? And anyway, why did you choose him, and not a more suitable guy?

I must say, a clear and unambiguous answer to such a question does not exist. Experts say that this happens due to an excess of a chemical called phenylethylamine in the body. Say, when there is a lot of him, we can fall in love almost with the first man that comes across. Scientists, of course, know better. Just somehow I can’t believe that the feeling of falling in love is explained by banal chemical reactions. Still, the true reason for its occurrence lies somewhere in the depths of the subconscious.

She is like a bomb, the detonator of which is triggered when we get the appropriate sign. It can be a guy’s smile, his gestures, his voice, even the smell of cologne ... The girl felt, saw, heard and - trrrah! The bomb exploded, the dose of phenylethylamine thrown into the blood rolls, and the young lady fell in love.

Then, when the brain regains consciousness after such a powerful explosion, it will be able to more or less soberly assess the situation. And realize how suitable the object of falling in love is. If appropriate, no questions. You can surrender to the feeling, and whatever happens. Well, when the young lady realized that she had managed to fall in love with a man who was not suitable for this, then she would have to think about why it happened and what to do now.

The answer begs one. It is necessary to put out just flaring up feelings before it is too late. Otherwise, it will be difficult to deal with them. Of course, managing emotions is not easy. But if you try hard ...


How to stop the development of love

In general, a person falls in love with anyone when his psyche is ready for this. But she doesn’t care whether the object of hobby corresponds to any specific requirements of the mind, or not. The main thing is to cling to something and engage in the realization of emotional potential. You can cling to an element of clothing, a mysterious phrase, attractive appearance, interesting conversation, non-trivial act ... Yes, even for a guy’s hairdo! The psyche finds an anchor of this kind and begins to create an image around it. As a result, we begin to look at the ordinary man sometimes with completely different eyes, ascribing to him non-existent virtues and embellishing the existing ones.

What is this talking about? This suggests that it is enough to eliminate the anchor, and the fog of love will begin to gradually subside. Where to begin such liquidation?

  1. It is necessary to decide that we really do not need this person. For this, without emotion, we calmly and reasonably explain to ourselves what exactly is not suitable in it. It would be advisable to write everything on a piece of paper. But just not in general phrases like “we are completely different” or “nothing will come out of us”. It is necessary to fix the essence of the problem. For example, write that the guy has a heavy character, that he cannot be faithful, that he is already busy, and so on. Making a list, we are trying to find the most serious reason for the inexpediency of feelings for a man. As soon as we find it, put a point, hang a leaf on the wall in front of us and reread it as often as possible.
  2. It is necessary to forbid yourself to love this person. How? We put him on a par with some kind of relative - father, brother, uncle. Does it never occur to us to fall in love with them? No, because it is a taboo entrenched in the subconscious from early childhood. So we are trying to put in its framework someone who seemed to us too attractive. We tell ourselves that a close relationship with a man is impossible, and drive away all thoughts of the likelihood of a romance. In a word, we associate the guy with his relatives in order to include inside himself the mechanism of his perception as a brother.
  3. It is advisable to do everything possible to maximize self-esteem and look at the man as if from down. At the same time, we remember the sense of proportion, or you can think of yourself as a queen, whom no one is worthy at all. It’s enough that we will regularly praise ourselves and our actions, not forgetting to repeat that we deserve a better man. If you direct thoughts in such a direction for several days, very soon the severity of feelings will dull, and the object of falling in love will begin to seem not at all so stunning.
  4. It is necessary to make maximum efforts to distract. We leave headlong to work, have fun with friends, devote a lot of time to hobbies or sports. In a word, we are doing everything to think as little as possible about our feelings. We boot up with anything, just to not leave a window in our head for heavy reflection on the situation. Immediately to throw a young man out of his head, of course, will not work. But you can organize a stream of thoughts associated with it, if you give them a certain time - an hour in the morning, an hour in the afternoon, an hour before bedtime. I must say that such memories will inevitably give rise to dreams. We do not allow them to spread their wings, deliberately driving into a dead end.
  5. It is necessary to get rid of the desire to idealize the image of a guy. In general, the idealization of the male image is the most pressing female problem. Here we draw a portrait of the chosen one mentally, and then we fall in love with a meeting in whom we see at least some resemblance to this portrait. Moreover, completely not perceiving the obvious differences and not listening to the arguments of reason. This, they say, is my fate, and the point. Neither reason, nor friends and relatives trying to reason with a distraught lady from feelings can cope with this position. Emotions completely deprive her of the ability to soberly assess what is happening and perfectly mask the negative traits of her lover.

However, this is not our case. We understand very well that we fell in love unsuccessfully and that feelings should be eliminated. So, you need to destroy the fictional image and try to look at the young man differently. That is, in terms of its unattractiveness. I must say that this is not so simple - an emotional outburst creates a wall through which unsightly acts and traits are not visible. But we want to get rid of love! So, we open our eyes wider, turn on the brains and debunk the man with the help of proven techniques.


Techniques that allow you not to fall in love with the image of a guy

As we already understood, in order not to fall in love with a guy head over heels, we must first of all cast him off the pedestal of the ideal, on which we ourselves built him. That is, to understand that he is by no means the crown of creation and not the embodiment of a dream. What to do to achieve such a goal? There is nothing cunning in this. We just need to change our view of what we considered the man’s exceptional dignity and pay more attention to flaws in his appearance and behavior. That is, you need to change your attitude towards a person. You will have to act for this roughly like this:

  1. The guy seemed to us outstanding

We attribute this unusualness to the behavior of inadequacy and the desire to show off,

The young man attracted with his mystery

We explain this quality by secrecy and a tendency to deceive,

The man is interesting for his charisma and intelligence.

We begin to reason like this. Charisma is just a charm that does not testify to the nobility of the soul. And high intelligence is often a companion of terry egoism and the inability to love for real. With such a person, become a life partner, he will obviously have a hard time,

The guy has an amazing appearance

Beauty in general is a voluminous and subjective concept, and even male is even more so. It is likely that we found the young man to be beautiful under the influence of a love that had already arisen. And it may well be that he really has an outstanding appearance - an excellent physique, high growth, courageous facial features. But, firstly, many girls like it! It turns out that a man will always have a lot of fans and is unlikely to resist temptations all the time. Secondly, such a brilliant exterior is not yet proof of fortitude. It may well be that this “hero" is in fact a cowardly small entity. And in a difficult moment he, without hesitation, will betray anyone.

That's about how we need to change the impression of a person. To speed up this process, it is necessary to look for shortcomings of a very different sense in it. Does the guy have unshaven armpits? What a horror, because from him without a doubt one day he will start to smell strongly later! Is the young man wearing a stale shirt? It seems that in the same condition and socks ... On the contrary, he pays too much attention to hygiene and clothing? Ohhh, this generally makes a man suspect of excessive boring and narcissism. And even in some interesting, not yet pronounced inclinations.

We add everything to the piggy bank of the object's hobbies - ignoring or not knowing the rules of etiquette, lack of taste, lack of knowledge in basic matters and even the inability to fly an airplane. Ah, can he? Then, then, dancing badly. Or it doesn’t matter. Or writes with errors. But you never know! It would be a desire. Something repulsive can always be found in any person.

Does not work? In this case, resort to the help of girlfriends or mothers. We will describe to them the guy without bias, deliberately speaking about him in a negative way. No need to think that this is somewhat immoral - we need to hammer into our heads that a man is more bad than good. And if you can’t cope with it on your own, you have to make sure that others around him scolded him properly. Sometimes the opinions of loved ones are sobering.

Comparing a young man with his previous hobby helps to eliminate love in himself. But only when the comparison is in favor of the former gentleman and when this gentleman is remembered without disgust. Otherwise, we risk becoming even more attached to the one we want to forget. It is understandable - antipathy to a previous friend will automatically provoke an increase in sympathy for a current friend. We absolutely do not need this.

In general, in order not to lose your head because of one person, you need not to refuse to flirt with others and accept male attention signs favorably. This time, firstly, we will scatter our attention, and secondly, we will have options. Even if she imagines that there is no better choice than the current chosen one in the world. This is just focusing emotions on a specific object. Focus can be changed at any time. There is no suitable man for this nearby - we will focus on some actor, singer, and even a football player or political observer! The main thing is that he evokes sympathy. We will get a photo of a celebrity, attach it in a conspicuous place and tell ourselves - this man is really super! Our young man is very far from him!

Honestly, feelings often prevail in the struggle of feelings and reason. No, while the beloved is not nearby, reason is still frolicing. But as soon as he appears on the horizon - amba! All rationalism evaporates without a trace, a cycle begins in the head, a vacuum forms under the spoon, the soul flies into the heels ... Is it worth it to make so much effort to get rid of the feeling? Dear young ladies, fall in love with health! It’s not so important - a man is suitable, not suitable. It is important to remain alive, capable of sadness, delight, unreasonable actions by a woman. This is the only way to feel the charm of being and reserve the right to happiness.

Alina Sysoeva

Psychologist, coach and trainer. Specialist from the site b17.ru

How familiar. I also do not want to fall in love, and he tears my roof more and more every day. wait, listen.)

I’m actually sitting in the same kind of * opera, though I don’t have a love sooner, but some excitement. It's funny like that, to hide from all flirting, smile, but I can’t allow myself to continue. Otherwise, I will not forgive myself. I don’t know how to stop this. Later I’ll look again here, maybe someone will write something worthwhile.

No way. You just need to go through it :))))

Why stop it? Itself in this state, "inspires" pancake.

Spring, girls, a little more and everything will pass by itself.

Related topics

Go to the branch "fell in love and sit quietly - 8". There are such a dick.

Samum "] Go to the branch" fell in love and sit quietly - 8 ". There are such until yuh.
So, I’m asking you not to offend the branch) Adults have been sitting there for a long time and have smart conversations. About love less and less)

And I also have SPRING.


So, I ask you not to offend the branch)

Samum, not in the eye so in the eyebrow

And did you have any relationship, maybe you could sleep with him?

yes, sleeping can either sober up or even tear down the roof.
and I was let go (ttt), as it was good, but I couldn’t sleep either, my eyes burned feverishly, my heart jumped out periodically, and as a drug addict you approached a computer for a new dose.

Автор, а почему нельзя-то? В чем препятствие?

Samum
Понял. Ветку след переименовать в "Сидящие и ведущие умные разговоры. О любви все реже - 1"
Скорее все уже отговорившие и свалившие))

Эх, и мне посоветуйте чего-нибудь.
Тоже башню сносит, причём взаимно (было бы иначе, сидела бы тихо как мышка и ждала, пока само рассосётся. ). И тоже нельзя - одна тусовка, семьи, обязательства. But passions are heating up. There are solutions, but in any situation there will be at least two broken hearts.
So I think that one can meet one-on-one, put all the dots on e and call to account for ourselves and him, it’s better we will suffer than our innocent "second halves" :(
It hurts to cramps.


It hurts to cramps.

to put to sleep and no problems :))))))

That is not, the veterinarian euthanasia is not an option. Then there will be three unfortunate people, not counting relatives, irrationally. So past, dear.
More options? =))

That is not, the veterinarian euthanasia is not an option. Then there will be three unfortunate people, not counting relatives, irrationally. So past, dear.
More options? =))

But what a saving on rabies vaccines.

Mine also plays spring in the pope. I don’t even know if it’s worth or not worth making any creeps in his direction.
CraZY CaT, not easy of course. And how long has it been with you? If not long ago, then he can wait, will it pass?

and I fell in love. it seems (. on the net. and what to do now?

he will not believe, will begin to laugh (((


CraZY CaT, not easy of course. And how long has it been with you? If not long ago, then he can wait, will it pass?

Crazy Kat you are not married, so do not think about obligations. if you are in love, leave your boyfriend and start a new relationship, and then it will be even worse.

. Can you imagine marrying him and at the wedding you will think about another man?

Guest, if everything was so simple :) Formally, I am not married, but the relationship is very serious and long, we live together with our MCH, we are building global plans for the future. He loves me madly, you know how they say "the light has come together" - and this is after 5 years of relationship. A bunch of common hobbies, complete mutual understanding in everything, zero domestic disagreements - in a word, an idyll. He is already for me - as a relative, dear and close person, even if there is no passion, but as our whole environment says - such ideal relationships simply do not exist.
My lover has a wife, a three-year-old daughter. I saw them. Yes, there was a classic scenario - a meeting-a-fly-wedding-child, a family in its good understanding has never been, but the fact remains.
And he is our friend, comes to visit us, hugs with my MCH, they have a very warm and close relationship.
So everything is mean. If I follow my feelings, then two families will collapse, our cheerful friendly company will fall apart, innocent people will suffer. If I find the strength to stop, I will suffer myself and break my heart to my beloved person. And I'm only 23 years old. And I want love and passion.
Another nuance: my current MCH is a very serious, responsible person, set up for a family, children, I follow him like a stone wall. But boring. And my beloved is the exact opposite and an absolute reflection of myself: a March cat, with such walks on roofs at night and doing other crazy things. And for some reason I feel with my whole being that I would be absolutely happy with him. In other circumstances.

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